For Once

So, I was talking to a friend of mine last week.  Without going into too much detail, he's in a living situation that is very much not ideal for him or his personality type, in addition to the fact that he's been dealing with some emotional issues for the last few years that have contributed to everything being truly untenable for him.

Over the last few months, he and I have been talking a lot about him, his life, his goals, and he's gotten started doing a lot of things he's really happy about, kind of moving forward, into a new stage of himself and his life, and overall, I'm really really proud of him, how much he's progressed towards his own goals, and how much he's grown.

Unfortunately for him, when he began living with the people he's staying with, he was very damaged, mentally and emotionally, and he needed a safe haven.  He's grown past that point, but because they first met him when he was that way, they're stuck in old patterns of dealing with him, and he doesn't really know how to break free from those old patterns, especially because there was a change in the living situation that made him think the relations would change in a certain way, and it really didn't, so it's upset him, and he's a bit bitter about it, which I understand.

He's been staying with these people for something like ten years, which is shocking to me, because the only people I've lived with for ten years were my parents and my brother, and my parents are seven years dead, while my brother and I haven't seen each other in three or four years, because I was a jackass at him and now he doesn't want to talk to me.  His perogative.

Either way, my friend has known and been around these people for years, and he needs a change.

The reason I'm talking about my friend, is because he's planning on moving out, moving on, and I would really like to move in with these people when he does.  I stayed with them for maybe two weeks, earlier this summer, he reports that I have gotten rave reviews, and to be completely honest, I really enjoyed being there, and I was shocked at how different the household was from what my friend had been reporting to me.

That'll teach me to forget people have personal biases.

But either way, I really enjoyed being there.  I may have gotten special treatment, being a guest and all, but what I experienced may have been roughly the norm for how they handled things.  I don't know, really.  It didn't hurt at all that I had my own money at the time, which my friend doesn't, and which I won't, if I go back to them.

There were two things I didn't like about being there, one of which is fixable, the other ignorable.  But it really brought home to me how different my friend and I are, because everything he hates about being there, I really loved.

I love being coddled and invited to things and doted on, and that kind of thing drives him bonkers.  I also have different ways of dealing and interacting with people that he doesn't have.  They're a bit more difficult for him to deal with than for me, but also, he's been living with them for years.  There's history there that I don't have.

Currently, I'm staying with my aunt and uncle.  I love them, they are chosen family who have chosen me back, and I wouldn't be who I am today without them.  Even so, they are not coddlers.  They are not doting.  They aren't particularly attentive, and I'm the only one in their house who needs them like I do.

They're a bit harder-edged, and I certainly needed that when I was younger and stupider, but I have been working and struggling and toiling so hard for so long, I feel like it'd be really nice to be with someone who would dote on me and take care of me, not pressure me about work or making money, just let me do my own thing, but still engage me socially, invite me to do things, all that kind of thing.

God, even talking about it makes me feel spoiled rotten and selfish.

But when I was there, I did feel spoiled and cared for.  I didn't feel like I was being selfish or taking advantage of them, because every time I tried to be frugal, the lady of the house would keep asking me, "Are you sure you don't want more?"  Like, fuck yes, of course I want more, but this is on your dime, so I'm not going to accept more, because I'm perfectly ok with what I've got, and more would be gluttony and selfishness.

I always feel like I'm taking advantage of my aunt and uncle when I ask them for things or need things.  It might be because I'm emotionally attached to them, or because when I first knew them, they were direly poor, and it was an issue, I don't know, I just know that I do feel like I'm taking advantage, and I feel anxious and afraid, because I need things, and you said I'm allowed to want things, so why are you yelling at me or making cruel jokes that I know you don't mean to be cruel, but still feel cruel, and it's just.  A lot.

I do love my aunt and uncle, and I would never abandon them, because they've helped me so much, and I do love them dearly, but much like my friend needs to get out of his house, I need to get out of this one, and I would like to go somewhere where I'd feel like I was being doted on and cared for.

Everyone grows up and moves on, and things are so difficult, and I think it's not so wrong to want it to be easy.  For once.