Learn the Lingo

"I don't understand feminist language."

This is something I'm starting to see, more and more, as I move through feminist spheres.  And I don't like it.  Now, I get that there are a lot of things to talk about a learn, especially if you're going to do feminism correctly, where you support trans women and women of color and asexual women and disabled women and neurodivergent women and sex workers and teenagers and homosexual women and polyamorous women and any combination of the above and more.

Y'know, actual feminism, where you support ALL women?

There's a lot of lingo, cis, dfab, dmab, biromantic, alltistic, I could go on for pages, I really, really could.  And I understand that learning it takes time and effort, but I should point out that it takes time.  And effort.  I learned the vast majority of what I know from Tumblr over the course of a year or more, and though I'm still learning, because there is always something new to know, I was able to learn it.  It involved reading a lot, and a lot of time, which I had when I was getting into Tumblr, as well as an internet connection.

I understand that not everyone has internet access or a lot of time to read everything, or even the ability to read at all.  That is not what's grinding my gears at ALL, like what kind of asshole would I be to get upset about that?  A huge one, that's what kind.  I have a lot of privilege, I know that.

What gets me is people, on the internet, talking about articles they read.  On the internet.  Google exists, friend.  Hell, use Bing or AskJeeves or even the virus Groovario if you like, there are search engines out there.  If you have the ability to read articles online, you have the ability to search for words you don't understand, and you know what you do if your search turns up contradictory results?  You search more, and you read more.  That's how it works.

I can understand, if you're new to things, that you might not be able to understand why Men's Rights Activists, or MRAs, are so reviled, because it would seem, on the surface, that they are just men trying to help other men escape the backlash of misogyny, by saying things like "Men can be raped, too" and "Men can wear dresses, if they like."  It takes reading and time to see that MRAs are actually men dedicated to forcing discussions about misogyny to focus on how men are hurt by it, rather than on how men can stop using misogyny to stop hurting women.  And men.

Now, I'm not saying there isn't a place for discussions of men being raped, but that place is not in the middle of a conversation about how rape culture crushes women.  And that is what MRA's always talk about.  That, and alimony, which comes about because our society devalues women, even ones working in the same field as men.  MRAs don't seem interested in gay rights, transgender issues, or presentation, and they remain remarkably silent on those issues.

And that is the tip of the iceberg on things that can be confusing and misunderstood, such as dfab, or "designated female at birth," versus afab and "assigned female at birth."  People make mistakes, there's always something new to learn, which can be both frustrating and exciting, depending on your personality type and mood.

But something I've also noticed is that the people most commonly complaining about not understanding feminist jargon are white, cishet people.  For anyone who might want to complain about not understanding any of those terms, I don't care.  This entire article is about my frustration with people who don't take the time to search for themselves.

I even understand that some people need examples to understand something, rather than straight-forward definitions, need to comprehend it in practice, rather than pure theory, but I really don't think that's the problem here.  It seems to me that the problem here is that white cishet people don't want to think about their privilege, but they also know that not "being a feminist" is also something that will get them slammed, so they say, "I'm totally a feminist, I just don't get all that jargon, make it easier for me," putting the onus of their education on the oppressed, rather than taking up the mantle themselves.

Now, I won't deny that it's not just white cishet people doing this, people of all manner of privilege, able-bodied, alltistic, neurotypical, college educated, people who don't live with food insecurity, there are people in all of these groups of privilege, and more, who will put the onus of their education on those oppressed by their privilege, but you know who I hear the most?  White cishet folks.  Because they are at a crucial intersection of powerful privilege, and feel entitled to speak the most, speak the loudest, and argue the longest.

Of course, if you're reading this, chances are that you already know this, you already understand that this is a truism of our world, but I'm saying something about it because I am frustrated by it, and because I'm hoping to give words to someone who doesn't know why it's so frustrating when someone on the internet, or even offline, says "I'm totally this thing, I just don't understand the language used," when it's blatantly obvious they are not what they claim to be.

Having words to describe my experiences and frustrations has always helped me, so when someone says "I don't understand the language used here," it always sounds to me like, "I don't need to care enough about this language to learn what it means," and when I hear that, I just want that person to stop claiming to be standing with me.  You don't even care enough to learn how to talk about what is important to me.  How can you possibly be on my side?